It seems like I am stuck in a rut. I don’t know how it got this way, but I am. Some things in life, even blessings can take a toll on you. They feel exciting in the beginning but then nature runs it’s course and fatigue takes place. Mediocrity seems acceptable. All I know is I am thankful for what I have and I refuse to let life pull me down. And I refuse to let my head talk to my heart. I’d rather have my heart speak.
The thing is…is that I haven’t been acting my best. I feel like a letdown at times. I’m a Christian, but this doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It doesn’t mean I won’t act the way I shouldn’t. But it also doesn’t mean that God can’t use me. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m not better, but I know that I try. I feel bad when I know I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I know what it’s like to be burned. I’m insecure like everyone else. I bleed just like every one else. Sometimes I feel like I have something to prove. I hate having flaws, but I’m trying to constantly tell myself that it’s ok to have them. People say I’m beautiful and I say thank you. But deep down, I don’t really feel it to be truth. I have a beautiful heart and beautiful eyes. But the rest of me feels like a misshapen ball of clay.
I’m still being molded. I’m still being put through the fire. Hopefully what comes out will be gold. But until then…I have to do what I have to do and God will do the rest.