External meet Internal

Today my pastor spoke a message mainly for women. Something I already knew but obviously needed to hear again. Internal beauty is far more important than the external. You see, my whole life, I have always been concerned with the external for the most part. I thought that is all I was. So I was obsessed with appearance. Dressing in trendy clothes, wearing makeup at an early age. Dying my hair since the age of 18. Trying to find the inner core of me. But I have been reprioritizing recently and have added more balance to that. While working on the outside, an inner side has been developing. I’ve been working on my heart. I’ve been trying to do more things for people. I’ve been trying to watch what I say, even though I don’t often. I’ve been trying to find the heart of God. When I picture myself with God,  I do see a spiritual like body but I often wonder what he sees. Is everything else on face and body blurred but my heart? Is that the main focus of me, because I think it is. He has a way of putting a mirror to our hearts. What is inside that is what truly counts in a person.

You can be or see the most attractive person, externally, that is and when something evil comes out their mouth, can be looked as ugly. Looks are so deceiving. I have known many people in life that were so gorgeous, they could’ve been models, but they lacked character. I am not excluded in this judgment whatsoever. “Charm is deceitful. Beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” I want someone to be attracted to my character, rather than my hair or clothes or jewelry. Not to say that it’s not nice to be admired for what you look like. But if that’s all the attraction is based on, it will lead to a shallow friendship or relationship. Thus, emptiness. There is far more to life than looking perfect. The problem with society is that we seek perfection and vanity. I believe that the outside can be traced to what’s on the inside. I believe that’s why people develop illnesses sometimes suddenly. People that have heart conditions were rooted in something wrong with the inside. People who are bitter and hold grudges can become ill. That’s why it’s important to cut out the weeds that will keep you from maturing in God. Cutting out relationships or even friendships, which seem ok in your eyes, not in God’s and that stunt your own growth. I had held bitterness for a few years back. Even before then. And that bitterness took a mind of it’s own and formed into a food addiction. I was punishing myself for what others had said and done to me. My bitterness didn’t make me better. Just made me more bitter. But bit by bit, I am letting that go and not holding onto it. Whenever someone does something wrong to me, I just say..Ok. They’ve sealed their own fate. I leave it in God’s hands. I don’t let other people’s actions change me anymore.

I choose to be better. We are all responsible for how we handle things and how we react. And when we let people control us by their actions, we are simply surrendering our will to the devil. I’m not gonna do that. That would defeat the whole purpose of casting my cares on Christ. So a heart operation is needed on all of us. Thank God he has the power to do that. I hope he does an overhaul on me. I am trying, bit by bit, to be the person I was made to be.

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