Dating shouldn’t be a mission…

So I decided to try to watch the movie “I’m In Love With A Church Girl” tonight. I don’t normally watch Christian movies because well…let’s be honest. A lot of them are lame. That sounds like a harsh critique, but come on. Most Christian movies are so “Hallmark”. I cannot stand Hallmark movies. Or Tyler Perry movies. The endings are so far fetched from truth. I know movies are fiction based. least make them more realistic. I can’t relate to the cookie cutter stories. (Perhaps why I go for the adventure/action genre more and more.)

I digress.

I watched the movie. And while it had Christian-like elements to it. I found some things disturbing. When I see a Christian girl portrayed, I would hope to relate to it. And I am not wanting to come across judgmental. But…this girl he fell in love with. She exercised no judgment whatsoever in guarding her heart. Here are the problems I had with the movie and then I’ll explain my take on why.

1. She dated someone who was not a Christian. He appeared to a nice guy with past crimes and went to church when he was little. I’m sorry. That does not qualify as someone for a Christian girl to date.

2. She did not guard her heart. I’m sure there were repercussions along with that in the story. She fell too fast. I mean…she video messaged him the next morning after they met. And then went on dates with him. Went to his house. Alone. The dude was a former gangsta. You would trust to be in house by yourself?? I think that was stupid on her end. (Boundaries!!) She didn’t really know him well enough to do that. What if he had pulled a gun on her or one of his friends forced themselves on her? Like, did that ever cross her mind?

3. She showed way too much cleavage. You can be modest and sexy at the same time. I think your body is a gift and it shouldn’t be unwrapped except for the man that you have married.

Basically, the movie felt like missionary dating. Which is something I don’t agree with. It sends a mixed message to young and older women out there. It’s saying “Hey. You can date a non Christian and after all hell breaks loose, then he’ll get saved. Dating shouldn’t be a mission. It shouldn’t be our motive. I agree with dating. I don’t agree with dating just any one.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

They even mentioned this Scripture to him. She said if they both go to church and focus on God and keep Christ the center of the relationship, then it would be ok. Uh…say what?? Oh honey child, Mama didn’t teach you right then. Then he said ok. Then he made excuses in getting out of church. Because some guys will say anything to get and keep the girl. Yeah, sure baby. I’ll go to church. But the real motive for them is to win  the girl. Some are only after one thing.

I had a similar experience. There was this guy I met at church camp. I thought he was very attractive. He played guitar and tried to woo me. He played guitar for me under the stars one night. We lost touch after that. He kept in touch with my friend and didn’t keep in touch with me. Anyways, we did get back in touch and he wanted to “be friends.” I’m pretty sure he had only one idea on his mind. Yes, he agreed to go to church with me. Only as a ploy to win my affections. I hope I planted a seed in his heart, but I remained true to my purity. I knew I didn’t want to fall for him. And it’s a good thing. Because who knows what might have happened if I started dating him. He had feelings for me and told me. I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what I said. My head and my heart were fighting with each other. I thought…well…he did go to church with me. And he does like me. Maybe it could work. But the more I talked to him, the more I realized what his mission was. And I ended it.

So, yes, there are pitfalls to missionary dating, ladies. Don’t fall for it. Don’t listen to that lie “Maybe I can change him. Maybe I can be Christ to him.” We as women, are a little weaker when it comes to guarding our hearts. A real man of God would protect you and your heart. I used to be so careless with my heart. I used to throw it at any guy who would give me attention. And I was foolish and careless. I learned through the tearful nights and the struggles. Now that I am older, I have a new perspective on things. And while, yes, it is hard being single. It is probably the thing that keeps me sane. I see so many women get into relationships and a) It doesn’t work out and b) They feel like throwing in the towel, thinking no one will ever love them.

And if you are in that position, let me tell you. Keep waiting. There are days where surrender feels easier. But I know in my heart of hearts that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am kept for a reason. I am kept for someone special. Who that is, I have no idea. But I will not, repeat NOT, settle for less than what God wants for me. And you shouldn’t either!! Let’s stand strong, sisters. And guard our hearts. It is the most sacred vessel in your body. I let Jesus inhabit my heart and since then, I have never been the same.

I have been tested with this new job. I see a guy here and there. And while they are attractive, there has to be more than that to keep my attention. I told the ladies at work…Looks fade. Character lasts forever. So true. I do desire a Christian man to bring into my life and my heart one day. Until then…I will keep growing as the warrior princess I intend to be. And protect my heart in the process.


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