Ever since it became clear to me what my path is, I have been having this feeling, Anticipation. Expectation. For more. And I want it now! Now, granted, good things come to those who wait. I feel like I will have to wait a little longer for the next step. I was talking with my friend about this tonight. I was saying that I wished I would have started this sooner. I mean, I am 30 years old. Not old old. But old enough to pursue the destiny that God has called me to do.
I have a job I’m working at right now, which is seasonal for the moment. I like the company and the people. But something is missing. My heart isn’t invested in it. My heart is invested in people and God. But not fully to this job. I am working as hard as I can. Putting my best effort into it. But I want the spark. The spark of being completely happy doing what I do. Like I said, something is missing.
To be fully honest, I have enjoyed singing since I was a little kid. When I was a baby, I couldn’t go to sleep without listening to praise and worship music. I am still somewhat in that mentality. I need music. I need singing. Daily. I need to worship God whenever I have spare time. Do I always? No. I like watching tv, movies. Investing time in my relationships with my friends. Of course I don’t do it ALL the time. But I wish I could. I wish I could spend every waking minute, praising him. Life can get in the way of that when we let it. I think that I will find truly happiness in fulfilling this mission. Not for myself. But I was made to love my Father. I was made to worship Him. I want other people to tap into this amazing adventure with him. Sometimes it starts with music. Sometimes it starts with singing. I find that worship has taken me to yet another level in my relationship with God. I want to do this full time. I want to set an atmosphere where people can find him. In the deepest pit of despair. To feel his arms of mercy when we’ve fallen is the most comforting feeling in the world.
I wouldn’t mind if my life consisted of constant rehearsals and worship sessions. Writing songs. I believe that the husband destined for me will be in this same field. I want a guy who is pursuing God while waiting for me. Because that is where I’m at right now. I am pursuing Him with everything I have while waiting for my future husband. I think he will be a musician, but that is not for me to decide. I wouldn’t mind if that was true 😉 I would love to have a relationship with someone who will pursue worshipping God with me. Someone who is not afraid to be vulnerable and open to a different way of praising. I find myself in a trance when I play my music again. It’s something spiritually different that I have never experienced before. And I can’t wait for that one day when this will come true. God, make this happen in your timing and in your perfect will. Show me the avenue to go down and lead me to the paths.