attacked

Yesterday, I did not see it coming. I did not hear it coming. But I felt it as it was coming. The night before, I had such a strange dream. I had a dream that I was pregnant and I was trying to be friends with this church I had joined. The pastor’s son set me up or something. Strange!! Anyways, toward the end of the dream, I ended up with pins and needles in my arms. They were shoved deep into my skin. And I had to pick one by one out. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what that dream meant. Later, that night, I discovered.

An attack was headed for me. I was just playing with my dog. He had been a little ornery, as he usually is. I had given him some love and kissed him on the head. Then I started playing with him because I thought that’s what he wanted. He growls for different reasons. Mostly for attention. I threw a blanket over his head, like we usually do when we play. He was not having it. He started growling and attacking me ferociously. All I could do was scream and fight him off. It was the grace of God that I did not have to go to the hospital. I almost passed out from shock. I can still hear his growling and snarling in my head. Ever since then, this noise haunts me. He attacked my arm and bit deep. I was bleeding and ready to pass out. He sunk his teeth into my arm as well as my finger. He would not relent. He would not retreat away. I felt helpless and defenseless. Which is probably why I kept waving my arm away. 

I am still shaken up. This creature, who I have loved time and time again. No matter how much he hurts me, I don’t try to let it bother me. But I can’t be in the same room with him now. Whoever did what they did to him, I hope they suffer the same punishment. Whoever would treat such a beautiful puppy with anything but love and adoration should be struck. He is a rescue and we took him in knowing this. But I thought our love would heal his memories and his heart. Unfortunately, he has triggers. And it has been progressing. And I will either have to keep him and stay away from him. Or find a home for him. Perhaps a farm where he could run and play. But I have to be responsible. I don’t want him attacking someone else. Today, I have been sad all day. I am full of sadness and grief. It may seem like a small thing. But it’s not to me. I have always been an animal lover and I always will be. But…it is time to do what I need to do. Which is…I don’t know what. To anyone who thinks of abusing an animal, you are damaging a beautiful gift of God. And you are also ruining him for the next person who wants to undo all the damage that you have done.

I haven’t felt this depressed in awhile. I just feel like staying in bed all day and listening to music. 

and thought my heart is torn…I will praise you in the storm.

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