To all the virtuous women who can relate:
I hate having time for thoughts to creep and crawl in my head. I am being tested every day. Will I lose hope or will I gain it? It is winter and this weather is kind of depressing me. I won’t lie. And of course the commercialism of V-day annoys me. As much as I detest this holiday because it does absolutely nothing for me…I would like it to be different. I don’t care about getting gifts. I just want the warmth of a guy holding me and keeping me safe. And this is going to sound emotional. But the things that can be tiring is that it doesn’t ever seem to happen. Ever. I have never felt a very warm embrace from a man who is not my father.
I always joke about the idea of being on The Bachelorette. And it sounds like a confusing heart adventure. But I don’t think I could deal with it. When matters of the heart are involved, it is always complicated. Recently, I took a risk and put myself out there and it wasn’t received. I don’t have to put this person in the “what if” category. Because at least I tried. I showed interest. I haven’t come across that person where I felt a spark. In my past, I was so boy crazy. One after the other crossed in my mind. All those people are married now and have children. And that’s fine with me because it was God’s will. I have yet to have met the one that makes my heart jump yet. I guess, truthfully, the only one that deserves those jitters is God. No other guy deserves those butterflies at the moment.
I don’t usually go out in public. You are faced with either two options. Going out with girlfriends. Or going on dates. If only there was another option. This year, I’m declaring it Virtuous Day. Because I intend on staying that way. Until I have a ring on my finger from the man I was destined for. Until then, I can imagine what he will look like. How his voice will sound. If he is a poet at heart or an artist of the spirit. I think it’s time for me to keep getting back in shape, prettying myself up…and then once again, putting myself out there. Sigh. I hate taking risks. But at the same time they are the pieces that make up part of the puzzle. (I love puzzles)
Say these things and remind yourself of the One who will always make you feel loved and special. God.
I want someone to wake me up to watch the sunrise. (I can look at God’s beautiful painting of the sun rising and setting just for me and breathe as I look at the enormous sky)
I want a guy who will push me on the swings and not judge me for wanting to do it (someday)
I want a guy who thinks my quirkiness is endearing (God already thinks I’m endearing)
I want someone that will hold my hand while I cross the street. Or pick up the bag of groceries for me. (someday)
I want someone who will take me out of my comfort zone (God defintely challenges me)
I want someone that will write songs with me and sing them with me as a duet (God allows the songs to flow from the spirit of my heart and He sings back to me)
I want to have my first lass kiss (God kisses me with his presence)
Someone that will dare me when I want to be dared (God dares me to think beyond my thinking)
Someone that would stay up all night talking about anything and everything (God is my best friend)
Someone that would be romantic AND funny. And comedically romantic. (God has a sense of humor and He romances me)
Someone who shows me adventure (Knowing God IS an adventure)
Someone who would take care of me and pray for me when I”m sick (God heals my broken heart and removes illness and disease from my body)
Someone that would know what to do when facing a storm(not literal, but that always helps) (God is my shelter from the storm, He is my compass and leads me which way to go when times are tough.)
Someone that would take me on a spontaneous road trip(like my best friend and her hubby) …(someday)
Stay virtuous, my precious little gems. Don’t settle for anything less than the love and life God has to offer you. I promise you, it will be 10 times better than you could ever dream of. Keep dreaming, dreamers!! God has not forgotten you. Do I get sad? Yes. Do I get depressed on Friday or Saturday nights? Yep. But the feelings pass. This too shall pass. It will not be forever. Remember singlehood as “God is not done with wanting you ALL to himself.” It is flattering how much He pursues us.
So next time you watch shows like The Bachelor or The Bachelorette…remember…that is not real love. That is a fake disingenuous kind of love. It is for ratings. It is a fantasy land, that stirs up women’s hearts. Because deep down, that is a fairy tale that God has placed in our hearts. To love and be loved. But he will not give us away unless He knows who it is to and if that person is really meant for us. Even as I write this, I am feeling a sense of healing in my heart. Because I have been where you have been. I have cried on my pillow. I have waited and waited. With no response. I have had my heart broken in search of this great love. It’s ok to admit it. I have no shame in admitting my tears and my experiences. Because I have grown from them. For the longest time, I was searching for the one who could fill the empty hole in my heart. And no one could do it but God. His love is extravagant. Read His Word. He would climb over mountains and part the seas for your heart. And isn’t that someone who truly deserves it? One who would fight for it. He who does not intend to fight for it is not worthy of receiving it. Your love, your smile, your eyes are a gift. Not just for that person. But for God. He looks at you, like an artist after painting his first masterpiece. He sits and stares at it. He is in awe of it’s natural beauty. That is How he sees us. As his original masterpiece.
So, just knowing that, shouldn’t make you nervous when that guy doesn’t text you back. Or if that guy waits two weeks to call you. Don’t sweat over the things you have said and done for a guy. In the end, the only thing that matters is who you are. And who you are in Christ.