Single ladies…you are loved!! I just wanted you to know that you are all on my heart. This is not the day to dread or to fear your dream of meeting a great guy will never happen! This is the day to walk in faith and it could be the beginning of a new step in a new direction for you. There are better things than to have a relationship. Relationships are not overrated. But…there are more things to do in life.
I used to look at this day like this
Yes, my girlfriends. That is none other than one of the classic scenes in “Bridget Jones Diary.” One of my all time favorite chick flicks. (I love me some Brit movies 😉 Anyways. I used to feel like that. Hopeless. Depressed. Confused. Why hasn’t it happened, Lord?? How much longer will I have to wait? I am 30 now. Biological clock is ticking. I kept hitting snooze for about 15 years. I am fully alarmed of this now. But I have girlfriends. Awesome, amazing ladies who are still single. In the same boat I am but longer. They keep praying their day will come too. Why must we wait and are we waiting for something that will never happen? Of course, these questions come to mind.
We drown our sorrows in ice cream or cake. Any form of chocolate. Because it’s confusing to ask ourselves these questions. Not only do we ask ourselves. Other people ask. The dreaded questions for “single” people. Most questions followed by advice from “experts”. I often read posts from frustrated people who have the same status I have. And I understand how they feel. The most common piece of advice is “Stop looking. It happens when you’re not looking.” I have a problem with this. First of all, we are ALWAYS looking (not with binoculars of course..well some of us *creeper music*). But I, myself, personally do scope out potential prospects. Guys I find attractive. It doesn’t stop there though. Right after attraction, I immediately look for principles of faith, character, heart. That is just as important as that six pack we are unwilling to admit we want in our partner. Those things are temporary. But the point is we do look. And we have to do. God gave us eyes for a reason. For evaluation.
Another piece of common advice. “Put God first. Let him become your husband and then He will bring the right person to you.” These words, while fairly truthful and sincere…a majority of single people find in a way offensive. They assume that people are judging their relationship with God. Baring my soul, I try to put God first as often as I can. And this is also advice I have given other women as well. I don’t always put God first. I mean…sometimes shallow or worldly desires get in the way of that (job, friendships, relationships, etc). It’s not as if I’m idolizing these things, but I have been guilty of putting those needs ahead of who I need to be for and to God. That is one of my main focuses this year. Less of me, more of Him.
Singleness is not a disease. If that was true, half of us are infected. But what I know to be true is this. Singleness, while it is a gift, is hard. Marriage, a gift, is also hard. So yes if Prince Charming hasn’t come along to sweep you off your feet right now, it might be for good reason. Maybe you have some growing to do. Maybe he has some growing to do. Maybe your “person” is in another relationship with someone who is completely wrong from him and away from God. Would you want to be with someone like that? Or maybe you haven’t gained the confidence you wish you had. Would he want to be with someone very insecure and unable to trust him? My mom said…when you are whole and that person is whole, it will work. “You don’t want a half baked cookie”. As long as we let Christ direct our life and our desires, we will reach wholeness in some way. Maybe not completely. But we won’t come with extra baggage and try to sabotage things.
Things happen for a reason. We don’t always see it or understand why. We’re not always meant to understand why. But, during this single hood, which could only be a season, do what makes you happy.
Find your confidence. Buy yourself a black dress that makes you feel beautiful and sexy. Put on your makeup. Not to impress. But to show off the beauty that God has given you. Dance like no one is watching you. There is such freedom in knowing who you are and being it. And being not ashamed of it. Embrace your friendships. Cultivate a new passion. Don’t be afraid of failure and try new things.
Don’t base your self worth about what the world or what a guy says about you. It’s what God says about you.
We are warriors, ladies!! We are stronger than we were. We are learning how to fight. We keep our hearts guarded. We keep our minds grounded. I am on your side in this battle. This is just one day out of thousands where you will grow into yourself. This is just one day that you’ll look back on and say Pssh. Or you might not even look back on this day. Because you will be doing much more exciting things. Maybe with someone. Maybe not with someone. That is not for me to decide. All I know is you should NEVER settle for less when your heart is crying out for more! Don’t settle as someone’s rebound. Don’t think you should be someone’s second choice. You are God’s first choice and you always will be. You are not a Leah, you are a Rachel! I just want to encourage you and share from the deepest parts of my heart how much I love you.
I realize that even if/when I get married, there will be something missing. Not everything will be put in the right place. The toothpaste cap will be left off (by me). I will get on that person’s nerves. I may not express my emotions in the right way. And I might drive him wild. But that is why I need my God so badly. Because who else could help me change the things that might not be so Christlike. I know I will not be perfect. I won’t expect that person to be. I think that finding out someone’s flaws can bring things closer together. We all grow. And we all can evolve together. I think that’s what marriage is. Growing and evolving. And having a little fun 😉
So, in conclusion, this is just one day of many you won’t look even look back on. Embrace the special in you. You are royalty, my gems.
Look at this day like this: