It’s beautiful

Those that know me well know there is something I struggle with on and off. When I was younger and even as I get older, I based my self-importance on how others viewed me and what I perceived to be true. The struggle is still there. I fight with it. There are flaws I carry. The flaws feel like permanent scars and disfiguration. When I look in the mirror, what looks back at me tends to distort my views on myself. The mirror is a trick that likes to mess with our minds. Same thing for weight scales. I digress.

If I could change one thing about my physical appearance, it would be my nose. My skin is far from perfection. And this, in my opinion, magnifies my nose. In high school, someone made a comment about my nose looking like a hawk. I cried my eyes out and it shaped my own opinion of my face. Since then, I tend to let it get the best of me. Why would someone say something like that to me? And like a boy would, he tried to take back those words. Too late. Words can stay with you forever.

The last few years, it was haunting me more and more. I wanted to get surgery. I tried twice. Both times ended up in failure. It was beyond devastation. I thought “Great. Now no guy will ever love me, want to date me, let alone marry me”. The devil just creeped in my weakness. But in my struggle, I give it to God. God loves me. He did not make me this way, but he allowed that basketball to hit me. Why, God??? And it was because He wants me to embrace what I call a flaw or defect. He loves me no matter what I look like. And if he can, then he will let someone eventually into my life that feels the same way.

As I was riding home from a trip, in the car, he was telling me something. “You have been set apart. You are unique and different. Your difference is what makes you beautiful. You are different than other women. Not just in your face. But your heart. You are pure.” And I saw it in a totally different way.

We see flaws. God sees beauty. Whether you have a big nose or defect. Whether you are overweight or too thin, God sees you as wonderful. Whether you don’t have a lot of hair or have rosacea like I do, God sees underneath that tiny layer called skin. Don’t pick yourself apart the way the world does. What they measure themselves by is superficiality. The outside is of no importance compared to the inside. Next time, you compare yourself to someone, remember this: You were made in the image of God. And it’s beautiful. No matter how you feel about that one thing that bothers you. It’s beautiful. Pick one thing about your body or face that you do love. And let that replace the flaw you have been dwelling on.

This is a lesson it God can teach you and I. Jesus was not seen as the most beautiful man in the world. No matter how much people like to think of Him that way. What if he had scars on his face?? What if he had physical flaws?? Who cares. The scars in his hand were for you and I. The blood dripping from his head wouldn’t be pretty in our eyes. The flesh on his body was ripped apart. It wasn’t beautiful in any one’s view. But you know what? It represented God’s immense love for you, I, and the rest of the world. And it’s beautiful.

+———->
Take care, Warriors. Keep fighting with Christ by your side!!
-M

Advertisements

Pray For Me.

I don’t want to come off rude. Don’t get me wrong. Saying “Pray for me” is a nice way of saying you need help. Someone usually writes back “Sending prayers your way!” Or “I’ll pray for you” is the typical response back. I can’t help but think “Are they actually praying?” I would like to think most are actually doing it. People have to own up to their own truth. I’ll admit in the past, I said I would. I never did. I’ll pray for you was the equivalent of saying I’m sorry. I think I said it to make people feel better. But I, subconsciously, lied to them and to myself. Once I realized this, I looked at the significance of the truth in praying. And looked deep. Now when I say or write “Praying!”on someone’s wall, I make a conscious effort to either pray for them in person. Or pray while away from them. At that very moment.

The thing that should be accompanied with prayer is belief. If you pray and you don’t believe that God can take care of that need, doubt comes between you and that situation. Here’s an example. For a year and a half, I had the worst pain my hand. I didn’t have a proper diagnose from a doctor. However, I did research and I’m convinced it was beginning or middle stages of carpal tunnel. It was from a job I had where I used my hands extensively. Anyways, a burning and stiff pain left my hand a bit crippled. It limited me from doing a lot of things. I prayed about it. But doubt would always creep in at the same time. “My hand is damaged. Nothing can be done. I’ll just learn to live with it.” My prayer, mixed with unbelief did nothing for me. Time had past and I was seriously tired of the pain. One day Sunday morning, something unexpected happened. During a service from my satellite church, it shifted. The sermon turned into a healing service. I was praying for my hand. God point blank asked me..”Do you believe?” I said “Yes”, wholeheartedly. He healed and took the pain from my hand. This was a few months ago. I have  not had pain since. I used to have to wear a brace! No longer. That is the power of prayer and Jesus’ blood!!

Quite a few times, people (including myself) will say “Pray for  Me, Mare.” And I do. However, I will from now on say to those this. There is nothing wrong to ask someone to come into agreement with your OWN prayer. It is how we help each other. I will also pose a question. If you are not praying yourself and do not believe that “my God shall supply all your needs”, how do you expect anything to change?? By me praying and believing, accompanied with your doubts if God can do what he says He can do. He can work beyond doubt and may answer that need anyway. But I can’t make it happen for you. I can’t make you believe. Only you can choose that. But the moment you mix prayer with belief, I guarantee God will prove himself to you.

Look at it this way. You have direct communication with God himself. You have him on speed dial. Don’t be afraid to come to him. No need is too big or small. This isn’t a lesson that I was born knowing. He shows me these things. He keeps proving himself to me. Prayer is a beautiful thing. I don’t think we quite get the power of it all. I tend to forget sometimes. I’ve seen dead bodies raise because of prayer. I’ve seen people healed and demons cast out of people out of prayer. God has done miracles in my own body because of prayer. So..saying pray for me is a valid thing. But if you are saying it ALL the time…I say..Where is your faith? Who is on your speed dial? Mine has to be on God. He can answer things beyond the human mind.

Something on my heart and something to think about.
Love you all!!
+——->

Prey

It is funny how a movie can speak a message to you. I don’t think they always mean to convey a message. But to me, it was quite clear. I was watching this movie “Prey”. It was about a newly family that went on an African safari. To give you a short synopsis, the kids went on a trip with their new step mom. They went on a detour and ended up in the territory of wild lions and tigers. In a Jeep. In the middle of God knows where.

lion

They were trapped. And vulnerable. It made me think how that is true with life. And the enemy is in the field, waiting to pounce on us. Waiting to devour us.

1 Peter 5:8- Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Satan is like a roaring lion. The meaning of like is “having the same characteristics or qualities as; similar to”. On that same note, Jesus Christ is called THE lion of Judah. The lion. He has all the power. Satan acting LIKE a lion means that he tries to have the traits of power. He tries to impersonate the real thing, which is Jesus. He looks like the shape of Jesus. He tries to impersonate God’s voice. Someone who is not close to God would not be able to tell the difference between His voice or the devil’s. People may think they are hearing from God. But they are not. Sometimes even men and women on the pulpit are preaching words of deception.

2 Corinthians 11:14- For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.  Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds.

This is how the enemy works. He disguises. Here’s the thing though. He doesn’t have any power UNLESS we give it to him. He is not even like a lion. He is like a house cat with no terror. When you give him power. When you don’t forgive that person who did you wrong, you are giving him power. When you get angry and say hurtful things at them, you are allowing him to come into your home, your relationship and be clawed to death. You are not allowing that person to be attacked, you are bringing it upon yourself.

We are being watched. We are being preyed upon. Our marriages, our relationship, friendships. Our families and even our churches. Sometimes He puts words in people’s minds to attack. People who think they are hearing from God are not. Sometimes even men on the pulpit are preaching words of deception. This is how the enemy works. He uses and abuses. And then he waits until you are confident enough to step out in faith. He then preys and attacks. In the movie, every time they thought they were safe to get out of the Jeep, the lion would be lurking in the fields. You wouldn’t see it’s face or body. But you would hear a growl. Bit by bit, you would see the face and the strong eyes. The stronger the visual became, the more fearful you would become. They would have to run back into the Jeep. But the lion would not stop there. It would still run after them. Previously, it went after the ranger. It’s first victim. It pressed his body against the Jeep and proceeded to tear his flesh apart, limb by limb. Does it just kill and run away? No. The lion dragged his body and it devoured every last drop of his blood and bones.

This is the way the devil is. He just doesn’t want to rip your flesh. He wants to rip out your heart, your spirit. He wants to tear out your soul from underneath you. If we don’t give him power to do that, He cannot harm us.The more you step out in faith and confidence, the more you should prepare for an attack.

What are ways to prevent a “lion-like” attack?

1. Pray. Pray harder than you have before.

2. Arm yourself. 

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people

For me, personally, I spend time in the word of God. My Bible is my guide for every part of life I live and experience. Do I always get something spiritually profound? Not always. I find that when I do it consistently, I am more tuned into what God wants to show me. And what he wants to tell me. I am more on alert.

Also, surround yourself with Godly people. They say you become who you hang around with. So surround and pick your social circle so carefully.

Beware of the wiles. Remember, that the devil is like a lion. But has no power unless you give it to him. When you live your life in sin, you are giving him that power. When you don’t forgive, when you turn against Him, you are giving him power.

Also, remember, that when you are one with Jesus in your life, He IS the lion that can redeem you. He can bandage you when you’ve been attacked. He can save you from harm. 

I love you all and when I write something, I write it from my heart of hearts. I don’t want to see any of you harmed or attacked. When I write, I don’t write from my own thinking. I write from what the Holy Spirit teaches me.

Take care Warriors!!

+~~~~>

Mare

hey boy…

I thought it was a funny take on the “hey girl” that is ever so popular. I went on Pinterest to find several comedic pins that made me smile. The last few days, my mind has taken a different turn. I have had thoughts of marriage and dating. A friend of mine, who has a huge following and is a fellow blogger like myself, has publicly written a letter to her future husband and daughter. It has inspired me to do the same. So hard to put all of my thoughts on virtual paper. This is a person I have been waiting for my whole life. How would I convey my feelings? I will give it a whirl.

To My Future Husband: 

I can’t wait to meet you. I mean, I can. But…it is not the easiest thing to do. However, it is something I have been doing for years. I sometimes picture what you look like in my head. And also this picture that God has given me of you. While I do things in my daily life, I wonder what you are doing. Who you are with? What makes you smile? All these questions bounce in my head. I look forward to the day our eyes lock. It may not be a fairy tale to every one. But to me it will be. Of course, I won’t let you know this right away. 😉 My heart has been hurt before. I have been burned by men in the past. But…in some odd way, I thank them. Because that heartbreak is one of the steps I had to walk through in order to find you. I am that much grateful to be with you. I have had nights full of tears. And then full of joy. Because I knew this day would come. I just believed it in my heart. God has been taking care of me and my heart a long time. So that it would be ready to experience this adventure with you. In the meantime, I am growing into the woman you need me to be. I’m sure once we join in our union, that I will still be growing. I want to be the best I can for you. I promise you I will remain virtuous in all that I am. I promise to keep praying for you. I don’t know if distance has separated us, but I know that God will make a way for us to meet. I am taking care of myself and fighting every day for hope. I also know it is not in vain. I am not the most adventurous. But I am sure that meeting you, dating you and being engaged to you will be an adventure. I know we will have fights and moments of sadness where we feel like giving up. But I will not give you up, no matter what. God has been preparing both of us for each other. And I hope to be the warrior woman you need me to be in times of sorrow and joy. I look forward to the day where we create a life together. Another life. A beautiful baby. That is a display of our love and God’s love for us. I am not perfect, nor do I expect you to be. 

I can’t wait to get to know you. I can’t wait to hear of your passions and dreams. I can’t wait to have long conversations about faith, politics, family. I can’t wait for you to meet my friends. I can’t wait to have double dates with them. I can’t wait to take pictures of our experiences. I will be shouting my love from the rooftops for you. Like I said, I am not adventurous. But I am willing to go outside of my comfort zone and take on new challenges. I hope we can one day write songs together. I hope we can get inside each other’s heads and inside each other’s worlds. Even as I write this letter, it fills me with tears of hope. When I think of you, I smile. 

I hope you are safe. I hope you are keeping yourself pure. And even if you are not right now, there is grace. I will not judge you by your past. I will love you for all the days of my life and if I’ll keep my hand on your heart and your heart on mine. 

For forever more and always more, 

Mare

The more I tune in…the more I see…

It says in the Bible that God reveals His secrets to those who are close to Him.

Deuteronomy 29:29: The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.

I love that my relationship with God. It has become the best thing to ever happen to me. Since I started making Him a priority in my life, He has made me one. He has been speaking to me. Revealing himself to me in dreams, visions, etc. The last vision I had…I was in a white dress walking in the grass. And the heavens opened up. And a light shone down on my face and said Here is my glory. And I just raised my hands, was whisked into the sky. Next thing you know, a ring is being put on my finger. I am in a wedding, followed by a marriage. I woke up that next morning, so happy. Like a newlywed. It was so sweet. I was in the best mood!! It is as if it really happened. It was beautiful and special.  A memorable occasion.

Then, last night, He gave me a dream where I am at a church. Something happened to me. A friend who I had been helping had stolen from me and left me stranded. I knew this woman in real life and in the dream. She left me with nowhere to go. Anyways, I had been helped by all these people around. They were generally concerned for me. They were mostly men. And they were all interested in me. But the drummer was the one I was interested in. This is deja vu in real life. Because I was interested in a drummer at one time. Nothing ever came of it. It was never meant to. He is happily married to a beautiful lady and now has a child with her. I could not be more happy for him. Anyways, in the dream there was another drummer. And he was sweet and looked younger than me. And I really liked him. And I had all of these men interested in me. And I spent time with them. But he was the one I wanted. And we were friends. But I don’t know if anything came of it. I think he had feelings for me. But I woke up!! And I hate waking up after I have a dream like that. Because I wanted to know the ending.

So I was telling my mom this dream this morning. And she said..maybe it’s like God is saying…you choose the ending. Because it was like I had to make a choice between all of these guys. And he was the one I would’ve chosen. Sounds like I’m on the Bachelorette. I know! But..it was a decision I had to make. And although it was nice to have attention from these other guys…it wasn’t the one I had wanted.

The night before I had this dream, God spoke to me. And said you need to start living and acting as if you already with someone. Because you are. Meaning Him. I feel like I am in this marriage with God. But I am also going to have a present marriage some day. That’s why I feel the need to prepare for when this will happen. I don’t want to be a broken, insecure woman by the time that day comes. I want to be whole, secure, and beautiful the way God made me. So I am going to make more of an effort in choosing how I look and feel. I would wish my future husband would want to do the same for me. 🙂

What is the point of this post, which is very personal? That I am in a marriage. When I said to Jesus and his eternal love for me, I entered into a union. The holiest of all unions. One that can never be separated by fear or death. By sin or failure. Nothing can break this covenant between me and Him.

That being said, I prepare for my Earthly marriage by committing fully to my commitment with God. And when that marriage is over, I am given back to Him. There is no other marriage in heaven except we, as His bride.  So, He’s actually willing to lend me out (so to speak) to another man for a little while. Until He comes back for me. I need to prepare. I need to keep in the mindset that I am loved and in a relationship that will never end. And one that will be temporary on Earth compared to the lifelong one I will always have. One of my best friends reminded me in a little way that once God sees I am ready for the responsibility and commitment, He will bring that person into my life. In the meantime, grow as a person.  And be ready.

So this moment in my life, I am in preparation. I am making my health a priority again. I am watching what I eat and am exercising. I am trying to place importance (not too much) on what I look like on the outside. I have a lot to look forward to.

I look forward to the day where my Earthly man will put that ring on my finger. I look forward to the day where I say I do until the heavens open up and sweep us both away. And I look forward to that moment where we look in each other’s eyes and there is nothing but silence. Our hearts do all the talking.  This inspires me to write a love letter to my future husband. And to my current one.  😉 (I hope this doesn’t mean I’m cheating on God Lol)

Take care, Warrior Princesses.

I love you. And keep fighting strong. Keep in tune with Him and He will sing you a song of His love.~~~

Before and After

I’m at the beginning of my weight loss journey again. I am at a self discovery level. I am discovering why I do the things I do. My patterns. Self-realizations. It is kind of fun and eye opening. Anyways, this morning I was taking before pictures of my body. I use them as a way of showing progress. It is rewarding when you see how your hard work, sacrifice and dedication can pay off. 

Not long after, God had showed me something. 

Instead of taking pictures of our bodies, we should take pictures of our hearts. That would be more enjoyable to see the before and after pictures of those!

 

Not only is weight loss about getting your body in shape. But your heart right. Things that are internal tend to show on the external. How I feel about myself and my life is projected outward. But because of the actress in me, I am good at hiding things. I used to be really good about perfecting the outside so that no one would see the pain and hurt inside. And that is not healthy. That is not a good pattern. Eventually, I got tired of projecting perfection and just threw in the towel. I used to place so much importance on my appearance that my inside was lacking. I was with lack and loss. Once the inside was boiling over, it poured into outside. I stopped caring about what I looked like. Some days I would go without showers.(Eww I know…not while in public though) Finally, once people tried to help me out of my funk, I started caring again. 

Now I make a tiny bit more effort into caring what I look like. It’s a miniscule way of showing that I want to love myself again. The point of this post is this. Yes, it is good to care about the outside. More importantly, inside. Your heart. Are there things brewing inside that you need to let go of? Fear of rejection? Worry? Anger toward someone that hurt you? If this is brewing inside, let me warn you. No matter how much you try to put on a face outside, you won’t get rid of it. 

If you don’t let it go, by the time you are ready to, it won’t let go of you. 

Don’t hold onto fear. Don’t hold onto unforgiveness toward that person who did you wrong. Because, ultimately, you are still allowing them to control you. Don’t let anyone grab the reins of your heart and life except Jesus. Look at your before picture of your heart. 

Before: Heart broken

After: Heart healed and finding wholeness

 

Before: Insecurity

After: Security

 

Before: Anger

After: Forgiveness and love

 

Before: 50 pounds heavy

After: Healthy and happy

Don’t weigh yourself or measure your self worth by your size.

That is always subject to change. But measure yourself by the fact that God loves you. Jesus died for you and He will never leave your side. The fact that He chose YOU to save should make you realize you are worth saving. Don’t give up hope. You may be in your “before” phase. But wait until you let God do the work He wants to do in you and see your “after”. I guarantee if you let go and let God take over, your after will be better and your before will seem silly. And you will truly see who God is and what He can do.

 

Take care, Warrior Princesses! Keep fighting.