Those that know me well know there is something I struggle with on and off. When I was younger and even as I get older, I based my self-importance on how others viewed me and what I perceived to be true. The struggle is still there. I fight with it. There are flaws I carry. The flaws feel like permanent scars and disfiguration. When I look in the mirror, what looks back at me tends to distort my views on myself. The mirror is a trick that likes to mess with our minds. Same thing for weight scales. I digress.
If I could change one thing about my physical appearance, it would be my nose. My skin is far from perfection. And this, in my opinion, magnifies my nose. In high school, someone made a comment about my nose looking like a hawk. I cried my eyes out and it shaped my own opinion of my face. Since then, I tend to let it get the best of me. Why would someone say something like that to me? And like a boy would, he tried to take back those words. Too late. Words can stay with you forever.
The last few years, it was haunting me more and more. I wanted to get surgery. I tried twice. Both times ended up in failure. It was beyond devastation. I thought “Great. Now no guy will ever love me, want to date me, let alone marry me”. The devil just creeped in my weakness. But in my struggle, I give it to God. God loves me. He did not make me this way, but he allowed that basketball to hit me. Why, God??? And it was because He wants me to embrace what I call a flaw or defect. He loves me no matter what I look like. And if he can, then he will let someone eventually into my life that feels the same way.
As I was riding home from a trip, in the car, he was telling me something. “You have been set apart. You are unique and different. Your difference is what makes you beautiful. You are different than other women. Not just in your face. But your heart. You are pure.” And I saw it in a totally different way.
We see flaws. God sees beauty. Whether you have a big nose or defect. Whether you are overweight or too thin, God sees you as wonderful. Whether you don’t have a lot of hair or have rosacea like I do, God sees underneath that tiny layer called skin. Don’t pick yourself apart the way the world does. What they measure themselves by is superficiality. The outside is of no importance compared to the inside. Next time, you compare yourself to someone, remember this: You were made in the image of God. And it’s beautiful. No matter how you feel about that one thing that bothers you. It’s beautiful. Pick one thing about your body or face that you do love. And let that replace the flaw you have been dwelling on.
This is a lesson it God can teach you and I. Jesus was not seen as the most beautiful man in the world. No matter how much people like to think of Him that way. What if he had scars on his face?? What if he had physical flaws?? Who cares. The scars in his hand were for you and I. The blood dripping from his head wouldn’t be pretty in our eyes. The flesh on his body was ripped apart. It wasn’t beautiful in any one’s view. But you know what? It represented God’s immense love for you, I, and the rest of the world. And it’s beautiful.
Take care, Warriors. Keep fighting with Christ by your side!!