The closer you get to God…

It has been a crazy week so far. Last week, I went on a cleanse and just avoided social media for about 4 days. I needed to. After that, I started my lady time. Those 4 days last week must have been what I needed to get through my today. Those 4 days…just me and God. I didn’t have to worry about anything but spending quality time with him. I was in a constant state of worship. It was like a retreat in my own bedroom, spending time with Him. He spoke to me. He told me things, showed me things. It’s amazing what God reveals to you when you are willing to listen. I won’t reveal what He showed me and spoke to me. That is private. 

Something else I also discovered. The closer you get to God, the closer the devil gets too. I know this. Because after that week was over, I went to church Sunday. I was doing great. Then…the car bill came. Which they are trying to overcharge me for something they said they took care of. Then…last night. I was just minding my own business. My dog was in the room. He was eating something. I didn’t know what it was. I wanted to see. It was the mama in me. Part of whatever it was fell out. All I did was try to reach over to see what it was. I was hoping it was nothing dangerous. And this dog once again, turned into full on wolf. He attacked. He bit. He broke skin. And he would not let go. Thank God for sending his angels that very moment. Because if they weren’t present, it could have been a lot worse. I could’ve ended up in the hospital. He almost punctured a vein in my wrist. That is how deep this wound is. I put peroxide on my hand and wrist to avoid infection. And put cold compress on it. As well as aloe vera and coconut oil. I think that is what helped the healing process. 

Regardless of how bad it was, I was in a lot of pain. Crying. Feeling betrayed by this dog that I looked at like my little boy. I called him my baby. How could he hurt me in such a way? Physical and emotional pain. If you’ve never been attacked by a dog, you wouldn’t know how I feel. But it is somewhat traumatizing. You feel defenseless. Paralyzed. You don’t use your senses. And you feel like a victim. I am still processing this. My parents were going to get rid of him. But…they didn’t have the heart to leave him in one of those places. So he is in our yard. 

The whole point in sharing this is…be on guard. You don’t know when an attack will happen. It could be your dog. It could be someone you know. It’s not just bites and wounds that hurt. But emotional wounds. God can heal those wounds. My scars will heal. But my mind might take a little longer. What happened after my dog lunged at me was…I jumped up, ran into the bathroom to put water on my hand, which was bleeding. And I was in shock. I could barely breathe. I was hyperventilating. The last time I hyperventilated like this was when my brother tried to beat me up. He was in a drunken stupor and wanted to hit anything that moved. He had a lot of anger and wanted to hit me as hard as he could. I remember that night…I could remember his fist coming near my face. My mom and my friend had helped me out of the house. I was crying and hyperventilating at the same time. I thought I would pass out. The last time my dog went after me, I practically did. But…this was sort of a feeling parallel to that night with my brother. It was scary and left an impression on me. I was ready to fight him. But it didn’t come to that. It was just shoving. 

I don’t know if I have really truly been healed by that experience. But it’s possible I do need to seek a counselor. I never did actual “therapy” because well..I didn’t believe in it. Right now, I can’t afford it. But…I don’t know if this is something I need to seek. God is the healer. But he also gave people the gift of counseling. Just pray for me when you think about me. I will be ok. As far as trusting canines again, that is another story. 

This will not stop me from getting closer to my God. I know He will help me overcome. 

Love you, loves




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