Deletion

I have recently decided to delete my Facebook account. Mostly people question. “But why?” Or the other response. “I wish I could.” My answer to them is…why can’t you? What has weaved it’s web into your life that you can’t cut yourself out of it? I mainly stayed on it for the sake of sparing friendships. But what friendships I felt should be spared shouldn’t. And whom I considered friends I shouldn’t have. So what am I in it for now? Nothing. 

I don’t want to have time to log in, see a bazillion pictures of people’s lives and then sadly, compare theirs to mine. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So true. To compare is to criticize. I shouldn’t measure my life story with someone else’s. It gets to the point of annoyance. It’s not that I’m not happy for these individuals when something great happens to them. It is the fact that my happiness compared to theirs is by far dim sum. I was talking with a friend about this. Facebook is like having a high school reunion in your living room, your bedroom, your cell phone 24 hours a day. Sure, it started off as a great thing. But over time, like high school, it reeks of boredom. Pretty soon the only enjoyment you get is playing the games. Which are an even bigger web to rip out of.(Lol. I need a therapy group for that.)

The point is…social media makes us reflect on things. Like..what kind of life would/could I be living if I stayed offline. If I stayed away from all of it?? I might actually have one. I might actually accomplish more in a few months than I could in a few days. Confession: Sometimes, like bugs who fly into the light and get zapped, that is why my eyeballs feel like. Like they have been zapped of all energy. 

A woman who I call my friend is a famous blogger. She said on a radio show interview that social media is responsible for the increase of our dating and the need to feel pretty and important. And the need to marry. And the need to become something other than ourselves. And from it, stems pressure. 

The pressures of society will never end. Here are most of them. 

-You must be married by this age or you never will

-Dating is like test driving a car. You have to see which one works for you

-If you’re not thin, you won’t be famous. And if you’re not popular, you will be worthless.

Who needs that crap? I hardly read magazines anymore. Because they usually tell me what I am and what I should be. “Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.” Guess what, society? I will be who I choose to be and dictate the way I live. Not by your standards. But by my own. By God’s word. 

I choose to delete my way of thinking. I choose to delete comparison. And if that begins by deleting social media, then so be it. 

 

Hard Times Reveal Hidden Strengths

These last 5 months have tried to press and crush me every which way. I have had to let go of financial security, a few friendships I thought were going to be permanent, insecurities, etc. I am still mid process in this. But I know my God is greater. This has been the longest I have been without employment. When you don’t work, you wake up questioning your purpose for that day. You have to find new goals and quests to accomplish. There are only so many times you can clean a room, while holding onto your sanity.

I admit the first few months felt like an unearned vacay. But after those few months, my responsibilities grew. Bills due. And stress bags were piling higher and higher. If it was not for my parents who give me a home, love and support, I would be homeless, malnourished and penniless. They are my rocks. However, I hate to burden them. I have been able to pay my bills by the grace of God. But I have also done my part. I tithe. I don’t spend money on myself. It is rather embarrassing when you are out to dinner or lunch with girlfriends and you wonder how paying for that meal will be in long term effect. They have offered and paid at times. Which I was grateful for. But you reach a certain point in your life where you are tired of feeling like a charity case. 

I am hoping that things improve in my financial situation soon. I am trusting God in this. It seems every babysitting job, every job recommended by someone has NEVER worked out. To no end. I get false hope when I hear about something new. So I hold no expectation at all of God’s plan for me. Because I don’t know what His plan for me is yet. I know that He has given me gifts that will open doors of opportunity. But what opportunities I don’t know. I am stoked to be singing on a worship team, God willing soon. 

The irony in all of it is this. Even when I feel like I have nothing, God is my everything. I may not have two pennies to rub together at the moment. But my heart is rich with His love. God is everything I need and just knowing Him is an adventure. And in that adventure, He releases me of my burdens and lightens my load before I start to climb these mountains.

In my midst of weakness, He has been perfecting my strengths. He said, “Thank me for your weak times. Because it was in those times, I was sharpening your strength.” Hallelujah. And I am finding that strength. Even in the midst of this storm.