Something God has been trying to beat into my head lately is that He does NOT think the way I do. I usually have a plan. And push that plan thinking it is what is best for me. But the last 30 years, I learned something. I have no idea what is best for me. In the past, I made decisions that ended up in regret. The men I had planned to marry in my head were never right for me. The jobs I planned to be established in would have been a long dead end road. I did not know this. He did. He knows how things will end up if my life was up to me. He has spared me by shutting doors here and there.
If there is any life lesson to learn, it is…that we have no idea what we are doing. Not really. We think we do. And if you think you do, you are sorely mistaken, my friend. As you know for months, I have been out of work. I have been almost literally going out of my mind because of it. Making poor decisions in my health. Eating the wrong things. Uggh. Because that is what the unemployed do. They wait. The phone never rings. Interviews happen. But there is no follow up. It is a pressure cooker. And every time you see a new opportunity, you go after it while waiting for the other shoe to drop. That is not faith. I know. But I will have my moments in my Christian walk where I fail. Sometimes daily. There are moments where I have more faith for someone’s life to change rather than my own. However…I can’t tell you know how many interviews I have been on, how many jobs I have applied to. How many times I check on Indeed.com, Monster or Careerbuilder. How many temp companies I have given my resume to.
The point in this very extensive rant is that I groan and complain when things don’t work my way. I had a few weeks like that. Complaining to God, “Seriously, what are you doing? I’m drowning here.” And I know that God doesn’t deserve to be talked to like that. But you reach a point beyond doubt to the point of frustration and it just happens. I’m not going to punish myself for questioning why all the doors have been shut. I am human. But…he opened a door for me recently. A job in which I have no experience whatsoever. Something I never thought of trying before. And after weeks of frustration, I heard back from my interviewer. You would think my first thought would be relief. It was more of unappreciation. “God, this was not the plan.” And it is as if he said “Yeah, I know.”
Earlier that day, I was sobbing and pouring my heart out to God. I was reading His Word, trying to grasp some encouragement. I didn’t really receive that much from what I read. My guess is I was too prideful to really press in. I was reading the book of Joshua. It was a story about how Joshua defeated the Amalekites. And I love hearing stories about triumph over trial. But…to me it was just a story of triumph for Joshua. Not for my own. Later that evening, I decided to volunteer with my parents to serve at The Salvation Army. That was rewarding. People were so gracious just to get a meal. After that, I went to Southland Christian Church, whom I am so blessed to be a part of. They featured A Night of Worship. It was a beautiful memory I will always treasure. I didn’t know it. But at the very moment I was serving at Salvation Army, a lady called me back and wanted to schedule me for an orientation. It was not the job I wanted. So my reaction was unpleasant. But here I had been praying and praying for the right job. And I felt completely ungrateful when I wasn’t happy hearing the message.
The moral of the story that I so graciously shared every detail (and I mean every detail) is that His ways are higher than mine. His ways are perfect. His ways are wise. And mine are not. So I am trusting Him in this process. If you are struggling with something you were blessed with but didn’t really wish for it…I remind you that God knows what is best. If He is your heavenly Father, trust Him. He knows the beginning and the end of your life. He knows the paths we will try to take. And at times stop us from leading down the wrong one.
He looks out for us even when we don’t look out for ourselves. Thank you God for your grace and forgive me for my unappreciation.
Be grateful and be gracious.