We are the kept ones. We are the ones who have been called. We are the ones who live as Christ. We are the ones who have been sheltered from a world of fear. Of hatred. We are the ones who have felt solitude. Who have felt isolation.
Usually in my life, I moan and groan about it. I sacrifice more and more. And then I blame Him for the sacrifice. Why? Why are people allowed to experience love with each other? Men and women, holding hands, hearts united. Why not me? Why have I been chosen to live the life, practically of a nun? Why do none of my dreams ever flourish and yet other people’s do?
It is the life for us. We were called to live a life. But just to live it. Not to worship it. Not to make it our God. Some people do worship their lives, their relationships, their careers, etc. Overall, I have had a good life. I have great parents, who never abandoned me, never abused me. Never hit me. Never sold me. I have a job. It’s not the most lucrative job. But it is a job. And at least I am not making minimum wage. I am making just enough to pay my bills. Not to live the life of the rich and famous. Not to spend lavish gifts on myself. I have food. Food which I have more than enough. I am not starving. I overindulge at times. I have never had a relationship. Never felt the intimate touch from a man. I was robbed from a special experience at the hand of a mentally disabled man. And since that day I was 8 years old, I have never wanted or even had the privilege of kissing or even holding hands with a guy.
Sometimes I cry in my pillow at night, wishing for a man to come and rescue me from this cloud of loneliness. Yet, he hasn’t come. Does this mean I don’t love God with all of my heart? No. But..I have the intense longing for another man, which never seems to go away. And the more I think about it, the more cynical I become that it will ever happen. One night after crying myself to sleep, I said this to God…”Why? Why have I never experienced the love that other people are able to share with each other? Why do I never get romantic scenes or moments with someone that I care for and that cares for me? Why must I live this life of solitude and confinement.” And this little voice whispered in my ear, “You are one of the kept ones.”
The kept ones. I kept wondering what that meant. Somehow, that gave me peace. Like I am being kept for a special purpose. I have been untouched for a special person. I have been meant for more than what was originally intended. And so…it is sort of birthing in my spirit a book that I might feel led to write. Because I feel that I am not alone in this. There are other people, men and women, searching for purpose. Searching for purpose through their purity. Searching for the keys to unlock God’s heart. This could be a new dream. I laid down my dream and desire to be a worship leader. This doesn’t mean I will stop singing. But I will stop pursuing it. And I’m in a new search. A new pursuit. Something greater than me. I feel like people will relate to my words and my life. I feel that it will give them a renewed hope and birth something new inside their hearts.
So that is what I wanted to share lately. I know there are a select few who read this blog. But to those who do, I cherish you. I wish the very best for you. And I wish for you to know God like I do. To know Jesus as your Savior. And to let the Holy Spirit work His way in your lives.
Here is my prayer for you.
God, I pray that you give every person that reads this direction and purpose. For them to find their path through knowing you. For them to keep their hearts pure in spirit and in truth. For you to put people in their life that will speak encouragement and wisdom. That they will will grasp for knowledge and hunger for more of you. To know you fully and understand your will for their lives. Protect their bodies and their minds. Protect their futures and promises. In Jesus name, Amen.
Maybe none of what I wrote makes sense to you. Maybe that guy didn’t call you back or text you when you thought he would. Maybe that girl ignored you. Maybe love, in general, has never worked out for you. That could be a confirmation that you are not in the right place or time. That you have a bigger purpose than falling in love. You have a bigger purpose than getting married and having babies. You have a bigger purpose than you even know. Don’t lose heart and hope. Maybe your future has something more fulfilling than any relationship. And in order for that to begin, you must have your first relationship experience. With God Himself. He is keeping you for Himself. You are one of the kept ones.
Stay strong loves,